Were do I start…. I guess were I’m at today.
I’m just over 20 months clean, learning a new way to live and seeing things in a whole new light. With a daily surrender and constant contact with my higher power I get through each day. Although I don’t use drugs or drink anymore I still put my body through abuse.
Like a idiot, I started smoking in rehab and I let myself get back to over 300 lbs. When I say get back, it means I was over 300 lbs got down to 174 lbs and here I go again.
I’ve decided it’s time for change.
I feel if I start to document my changes, they will be more real to me if I can see where I was when I started this whole process of change. I don’t just want to loss weight and quit smoking.
I want live a healthy life, and I will .
I want to see the world, and I will.
I want to change the world,and I will.
At the least my world.
I see things so differently today then the way I did my whole life. My mindset is in a much more calm place. For this, I’m so grateful. The way I was living was killing me. My life was a mess. Every hit I took I would hope it would kill me, and was but slowly. I had lost my mind and I knew it.
Lucky for me, I was able to find it before it was to late.
As I look back, I realize it started with the promise I made to myself….”If I miss one more event I RSVP to I’m going to go to rehab.”
Like a good addict, like I was, I did miss that event and realized I had to go. I felt I was allowed to lie to everybody else but not myself. I feel this is the day I found my lost mind. Lucky for me it wasn’t as damaged as it should have been.
That was 8/27/06 the last day I used.
Making 8/28/06 my clean date and I consider this my new birthday. This is the day when I truly started to live life on its own terms. Going through whatever life may throw at me without any help from a mind or mind altering drug.
